Quirkyalone (QA) is alone but not lonely. Do not be shy, zakompleksiony. On the contrary - an attractive, active, engaged in the social, artistic, pursues his passions, has no friends. From the rest of society differs only in that there is no partner.
QA accepts a stable relationship, provided that it will support, rather than reducing self-realization. Being with someone is for him a value in itself. If the relationship does not meet his expectations, he prefers to do something for themselves - if only to learn Chinese. At this might end up, if not intuition, which suggests that this picture is a second bottom. At what life is really alone choice? Is the ideology of QA may be the guise of protecting the value of people feeling deep inside broken? From a psychological point of view, the phenomenon of choice alone may conceal a variety of themes.
new philosophy determines the identity of people living alone and gives them a sense of belonging to equitable social group. This reduces frustration, anxiety and fear. The question is, how deep and durable is this change? QA philosophy, although he gives credit, does not extend to the sources of difficulties that make someone alone. It does not solve the internal conflicts that stand behind this.
The disadvantage apply, inter alia, a defense mechanism involving doszukiwaniu positives in it. It is called the mechanism of sweet lemon. It protects the "I", reduces anxiety, but in the long run is a kind of self-deception. It contributes to the maintenance of distorted interpretations of reality, and so distracts us from the truth about themselves and the opportunities to do something with what is difficult. It's more like analgesic effect than the antibiotic. It works temporarily and effectively, it is sometimes necessary. However, not fighting the real cause of the disease, and also reduces the motivation to deal with it.
It is easier to say to himself: "I'm not lonely, but alone by choice." It is more difficult to consult the emotions that generates life alone. However, only niezaprzeczanie the emotions and desires gives us an opportunity to identify the causes of the problem and the emergence of motivation for change, for internal research.
alleged to justify the choice, we have to use another defense mechanism - the mechanism of denial and devaluation. One of the allegations QA philosophy says that we should not be associated with someone just to avoid loneliness. This brings to mind the devaluation of the mechanism of something that seems unattainable, and his heart desired. QA philosophy devalues \u200b\u200bthe traditional relationships in the name of an unattainable ideal - a complete fusion of souls. The real relationship, with the best will on both sides, means the inevitable compromises, reducing capacity and daily conflicts. Is this a reason to abandon it?
Does QA have such high standards of personal, that he prefers solitude than any restrictions? It seems that they are rather quirkyalones pseudoniezależne person, a narcissistic personality trait - And therefore, those on the outside they present themselves as independent, while their self-esteem is dependent on an outside view. Show around its false image of someone perfekcjonistycznego and omnipotentnego. They believe that the only way may be approved by the environment. This applies to a prestigious profession or choice of branded products, and partner selection. The real cause of avoidance of real relationships not care about the level of fulfillment, but fear of rejection by other children. So better to be alone than to live in a relationship that does not fit the images of the alleged environmental requirements. A person identifying himself with the QA elect prestigious job and lifestyle, because these areas to a large extent be controlled. Professional relationship with some quirkyalones deal, choosing professions. Partner is someone separate, you can not control it, and the relationship with him remains a constant threat to the image QA.
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